As I began to read Pamela Hansen's story I marveled at the trials this woman had been called to bear. Throughout her life as a young mother she experienced so many life changing loses and trials. I began to emphasizes with her and as she wrote of her feelings about herself and the body she felt trapped in, I too felt the same way. Her words rang true in my mind and heart. I understood the vicious cycle of eating for no reason, then feeling horrible about it thus eating to try to feel better. I nodded as I continued to read her story, I too felt the same way. I struggled as I tried to find out why I had this addiction to food. I had not suffered as she had in so many ways. I came to realize that it would take me some time to find out why I used food to medicate myself. It has only been recently that I have learned this, which I will write of in another post.
Throughout my adult life I have exercised on and off. I have been a Lifetime member of Weight Watchers since 1995, but I have struggled to get back to my goal weight since being married in 1999. One day after talking with my brother [who has always been the "thin" sibling in our family] about his ability to keep himself in shape he said something to me that has always stuck with me. He said "Find something you love and DO IT, whatever IT is." I will never forget that. He said he loves to run, so he runs. He loves to hike, so he hikes. He loves to rock climb, and so he does it. At the time it seemed like such a simple principle, but what was I going to love and thus continue doing?
After being inspired by Pamela's story I gave running a try. I never thought I could learn to love running. My brother loved it, but I really didn't think I could. At the time I couldn't see how anyone loved or could even like running. Pamela's story gave me just the boost that I needed. So out I went. I'd been a walker for years, so I knew I could do that. I went out to walk, and decided I would give jogging a try. I told myself to take it easy, so I just tried jogging a short distance. Pretty soon I had myself worked up to the distance between phone polls. I have to say, living in a small country town that distance was a feat! But by small and simple things, great things came to pass. Before I knew it I had signed myself up for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Race for the Cure. It was going to be on May 13, 2006. I continued my training, until the big day came. I still remember crossing the finish line seeing my husband and three small children cheering me on. It was the most incredible feeling I had ever felt. I had set out with a goal to finish the race and I did it. I ran that race alone, taking time to jog and then walk. I found that the intervals helped me accomplish my goal. I can still remember that feeling of complete exhaustion, yet elation.
Reflecting back over the past four years I can honestly say that my running was a lot like that first race. I had times where I'd be really consistent and then not some much. Intervals of commitment, I guess. But something changed within me this last year [2009] I think it started with joining Gold's Gym. I'd never been a member of a gym before, but upon joining I fell in love. It was a place that I could go, to put myself first, and exercise! It has a playroom for the kids and lots of places for mommy to "play" too! I found treadmills, elliptical machines, and stationary bikes some of my new toys. The pool was a definite bonus too! Last summer I fell in love with Yoga and Pilate's too! That will be saved for another post. All in all I was making great strides in my commitment to exercise.
It wasn't until I made a connection with one of my mother's brothers, who is a runner, that I truly started to RUN. By this I mean I started realize that running was something that made me feel alive. It made me challenge myself, and as I set small goals I started to trusted myself as I accomplished them. This brought about major changes in my life. Once again I would like to talk about this in another post.
As I learned from my uncle to log my miles I have found it a great resource to reflect on how far I have come, and how far I have yet to go.
